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“A real Southern girl should own an iced-tea pitcher and a deviled-egg plate.” ~ Chef Aaron Deal
In the South a front porch without a swing is like tea without sugar, incomplete.
I am proud to be from the South--where tea is sweet and accents are sweeter; summer starts in April; front porches are wide and words are long; macaroni and cheese is a vegetable; pecan pie is a staple. "Y’all" is the only proper pronoun; chicken is fried and biscuits come w/ gravy; everything is darling and someone is always getting their heart blessed. Have a good day y’all!
A FEW SOUTHERN EXPRESSHUNS:
1. Too lazy to hit a lick at a snake
2. So tired ah’m dead on mah feet
3. Crooked az a dawg’s hind laigs
4. Grinnin’ like a baked possum
5. Fastah than greased lightnin
6. Slow az molasses in January
7. High az a kite
8. Dry az a bone
9. Wild az a buck
10.Blind az a bat
ABOUT SOUTHERN WOMEN
Southern women know their summer weather report: Hot
Humid
Sticky
Southern women know their vacation spots: The beach
The rivuh
The crick
Southern women know everybody’s first name: Honey
Darlin'
Shuga'
Punkin'
Dumplin'
Southern women know the movies that speak right to their cotton-pickin’ hearts: Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind
Sweet Home Alabama
Southern women know their religions: Baptist
Methodist
Heathen
Football
Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions: "Y'all come back!"
"Well, bless your heart."
"Drop by when you can."
"How's your Momma?"
Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm: Chawl'tn
S’vanah
Foat Wuth
N'awlins
Addlanna or 'Lanna
Southern women know their elegant gentlemen: Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler
Southern girls know their prime real estate: The Mall
The Spa
The Beauty Salon
Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins: Having bad hair, heels and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
SUTHERN DEFINITIONS
Airish - cool
Biggety - hauty
Buzzard bait - worn out hoss
Cow grease - buttah
Fahunah - not a native southernah
Hoppin mad - angry
Jump the broom - marry
Kitchen safe - cupboard
Lunk haid - dumb
Mitey nigh - almost
Marble orchard - cemetary
No a’count - good for nothing
Persnickity - strange or peculiar
Pig Trail - small side road
Rot Gut - bad liquor
Shet - close
Tolerable - feelin pretty good
Well heeled - well off
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF GRITS
1. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits.
2. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits; for this is blasphemy.
3. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors Grits.
4. Thou shalt only use Salt, Butter and Cheese as toppings for thy Grits.
5. Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits.
6. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits.
7. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits.
8. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits.
9. Thou shalt not put sugar on thy Grits either.
10. Thou shalt not put sugar or syrup on thy Grits
Southerners have a strong sense of regional heritage. We are proud of our turnip greens, cornbread, sweet tea, rural pasts and Southern drawls.
We are card-carrying Southerners
You can take the girl out of the South, but you can’t take the South out of the girl!
I am proud to be from the South -- Where we drink sweet tea by the gallon. Bake cornbread by the "poneh." Eat collard greens and grits, love family, house and home. Pick a “mess” of beans or fry a “mess” of fish. Love some good old barbecue served upon a dish. Summer weather, humid and hot with days that are long. We love the laid-back Southern ways and keep tradition strong.-- Judy Parker Yeager
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
A true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,・Bless her heart・ .. and go your own way.
You seldom hear a Southerner say, ・I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy."
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece."
They also know that "just down the road・ can be 1 mile or 20.
Southern women are great hostesses, raise their children "gright," and seem tender and innocent, but cross a Southern woman and it’s like fighting a grizzly bear!
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar・ is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
Southerners make friends while standing in lines -- and when we’re ・in line" we talk to everybody!
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin’," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
The four seasons are different in the South. To Southern women the four seasons are: onions, celery, bell pepper and garlic. To Southern men the four seasons are: deer season, squirrel season, turkey season, and dove season.
Southern men like Southern women with soft voices and gentle manners and a plate of fried chicken and biscuits on the table!
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is.
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don’t "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
Click the link to read about The New Southern Santa.
Click the link to get your Southern Horoscope!
Southern boys are raised ・right" by their Southern mommas and when they grow up they compare all women to her.
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them!
Southerners know you don’t cook meals, you "fix" them!
All Southerners know the term, "Bless your heart" has many different meanings!
Southern hospitality is a way of life in the South; an easiness and friendliness with people that makes them feel welcomed.
Nothing warms the heart like Southern cooking.
Southerners know that rocking chairs and porch swings are guaranteed stress relievers.
Southerners know you can’t be considered a serious Southern cook if you don’t know how to make peach cobbler. -- Trisha Yearwood
Southerners take barbecuing very seriously from their many sauces to their cooking techniques!
Southerners know that no matter how old you are, your father is "Daddy"and your mother is "Mama."
Southern women know you always clean your house before going on a trip in case you don’t come home.
A Southern woman would stay home before she wore white shoes, patent leather shoes, or linen before Easter or after Labor Day.
In the South, cooking and eating is a way that people can enjoy each other, spend time with loved ones and develop new friendships.
Southerners know how good an R.C. cola and a moonpie is at a country store!
Southerners know sorghum is the "sweet syrup of the South” and how good it is on homemade biscuits with butter.
The smell of a Southern breakfast cooking in the kitchen provides a great alarm clock.
Southerners know the positions of key hills, knobs, trees and rocks when it comes to giving directions.
Southerners know about double first names such as, Billy Ray and Bobbie Sue.
Southerners know you "cut off" the lights.
Southern music genres like gospel, bluegrass, jazz, rock, blues and country reflect Southern soul, character and culture.
Southerners equate food with love, so if you love what they cook, they’re sure to love you back. -- Kim Holloway
Southerners know what it means to be "full as a tick on a hound dog."
"It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took: we know it because she repented." -- Mark Twain
You seldom hear a Southerner say, "I believe you cooked those green beans too long."
Southerners are devoted to grits. We like grits-and-gravy, grits-and-ham, grits-and-sausage, grits-and-shrimp, grits-and-eggs, garlic grits, buttered grits, etc.,etc, etc.
You might be in a Southern church if the preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to take up the offering" and five guys stand up.
You seldom hear a Southerner say, "Duct tape won’t fix that!"
You might be from the South if you learned how to make noise with a blade of grass between your thumbs. -- Jeanette H. Whitfield
Southerners know what, "playin possum" means.
The most beautiful voice in the world is that of an educated Southern woman. -- Winston Churchill
Southerners know "just sittin there like a bump on a log" refers to one being "unknowing."
The perfect speech would consist of the diction of the east, the vigor of the midwest and the melody of the South. -- Winston Churchill
In the South, roots, place, family and tradition are the essence of identity.
Southerners know that "afar" is a state of combustion.
In the South, sweet tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it before you can walk.
Southern fathers think of their daughters as flowers of the South, so they give them floral names. Rose Ann, Violet Ann, Iris Ann, etc.
Southerners never go "snipe hunting" twice.
In the South get used to hearing, "You ain’t from ’round here, are ya?"
You might be a Southerner if you carry hot sauce with you wherever you go.
A Southern State Trooper stopped a pickup truck. The trooper asked the driver, "Got any ID?・ The driver said, "Bout what?・
What's the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale? A Northern fairy tale begins, "Once upon a time・" A Southern fairy tale begins with "Y'fall ain’t gonna believe this.・"
You know you’re in the South when you can make sun tea instantly!
You might be a Southerner if you have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.
Southerners know how to speak proper English. We speak "Southern" because we want to and we can. It's like playing jazz, you have to know how to do it right first.
The first words out of a Southerner's mouth when they see a friend is "Howdy!" "Hey!" or "How Y'all Doin.'"
You know you are in the South when you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
In the South, "clone" is a type of perfume. -- "What's that clone you’re wearin dawlin?"
Southerners want to make sure you listen when they speak. Example: "Y'fall come back now, y’heah?"
Southerners carry a spare in the "boot" of the car and use the "glove compartment" for storage.
In the South a "frog strangler" is a heavy rain. We've had several frog stranglers here this week.
One notable aspect of a Southern heritage is ghost stories passed down from generation to generation.
In the South, "ahr! is what we breathe or a unit of time -- I will be there in an "ahr."
In the South manners are very important and go hand-in-hand with respect. Children as well as adults answer: "yes mam/sir" and "no mam/sir" to their elders.
In the South, roots, place, family and tradition are the essence of identity.
"In the South, as in no other American region, people use language as it was surely meant to be employed; a lush, personal, emphatic, treasure of coins to be spent slowly and for value." -- Time Magazine, September 1976
All over the South, you will find girls called "sister." This is not their given name, but they are called this from birth throughout their lives.
Southern hospitality is a way of life that lets people be as warm as the climate.
In the South "backer" is a plant and you hang it in a "backer" barn.
In the South, we ・air up" the tires. That means we "fill em up good・"
In the South, "bob war" is a kind of fence.
Southerners like to add an "a" prefix to their words. I am "a-baking" a cake today and I am "a-goin" to town later.
In the South, a "Booger-man" is a ghost. You had better be good or the "booger-man2 will get ya!
In the South, we say ・vittles." Mama sure could cook some good vittles.
In the South, a "spell" can be how long you stay on a visit or a fit of some kind.
In the South if something is "outta kilter" it just ain’t right.
"We Southerners live at a leisurely pace and sharing our hospitality with our family, friends, and the stranger within our gate is one of our greatest joys." -- Winifred G. Cheney
"From the mountains of Virginia to the Texas Plains there is a Southern way of life and it begins with hospitality and a proper emphasis on good cooking." -- Winifred G. Cheney
The Southern drawl has many variations, but all are authentic Dixie. Stretch out words, add pauses, drop a "g" from "-ing" and sprinkle your speech with Southern phrases like, "looks like somethin the cat drug in" or "like a chicken with it’s head cut off" or" like a duck on a June bug." -- The Politically Incorrect Guide to the South.
Southerners love to sweeten their foods-from sweet tea to sugar on grits, everything is better when it is sweeter.
Southern favorites include fried chicken, sweet corn bread, potato salad & collard greens.
The more the food sticks to your ribs, the better.
Large picnics, family get togethers and after church meals are all highly popular. If you attend those on a regular basis, you might be Southern. -- Jessica Bold
You might be a Southerner if you call all carbonated drinks "Coke" not soda.
In the South, "tuckered out" means you are really tired.
Storytelling and swapping tales is a chief form of amusement in the South.
In the South, having food at gatherings is traditional, whether during times of sadness or happiness.
Sometimes, it gets so hot in the South, we make instant sun tea.
It can get so hot in the South, we have to spray the chickens down to keep them from laying fried eggs.
It can get so hot in the South, not only can you fry and egg on the sidewalk, you can make hash browns and toast to go with it.
It can get so hot in the South, you can wash and dry your clothes at the same time.
It can get so hot in the South, the trees start whistling for the dogs.
It can get so hot in the South, hot water comes out of both taps.
It gets so hot in the South, the hardware stores sell thermometers with readings of Fahrenheit, Celsius, and Holy Crap! -- Glen Frey
It can get so hot in the South, birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.
It can get so hot in the South, your car overheats sitting in the driveway.
Gimme soaky bread with grits and gravy for breakfast, pinto beans with ham hocks for dinner and cracklin’ cornbread in buttermilk for supper and you’ll have yourself a happy man. -- Gene Owens, Columnist -- talking about Southern treats.
The economy of the South has changed as the nation’s commercial landscape has become homogenized. Yet the region’s people still talk with Southern accents, walk more slowly than Northerners do, and make distinctively Southern music (Nashville, bluegrass, country, Southern rock, and Appalachian). They still think differently. And the place keeps producing well beyond its share of great writers. -- Lisa Alther, Southern novelist, on why there are so many great Southern writers."
"In the South, the breeze blows softer..neighbors are friendlier, and more talkative. (By contrast with the Yankee, the Southerner never uses one word when ten or twenty will do) -- This is a different place. Our way of thinking is different, as are our ways of seeing, laughing, singing, eating, meeting and parting. Our walk is different, as the old song goes, our talk and our names" -- Charles Kuralt in Southerners: Portrait of a People
If you like cornbread 'n beans, black-eyed peas 'n grits, too -- catfish 'n turnip greens, and Southern barbecue. Love sweet, sweet tea and, of course, coke -- In the spring 'n fall, eat salet made from poke, add peach cobbler n buttermilk pie, love okra, green tomatoes and chicken to fry, gumbo, biscuits 'n gravy, blackberry jam and a big old slab of country ham made by the hands of a Southern cook, then you must be Southern in my book! -- J. Yeager
You Know Your Church is A Southern Church if the final words of the benediction are, "Ya’ll come back now!! Ya Hear."
The closest a man may ever come to givin up his life, Is to cross the road without lookin or cross his Southern wife!
"What is there to see in Europe? I’ll bet those foreigners can't show us a thing we haven’t got right here in Georgia." -- Margaret Mitchell, Gone With the Wind
The North has coffee houses; the South has Waffle Houses.
The North has Cream of Wheat; the South has grits.
The North has double last names; the South has double first names.
The North has green salads; the South has collard greens.
The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races.
The North has lobsters; the South has crawfish.
The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt.
Ya'll come to see us ....you hea!
AFVN Reunion
September 29 to October 2, 2016, Raleigh, NC
Southern Rules for Perfect Living - Part Three
Dick Ellis